Today I’ve had the most interaction with my boyfriend’s than I ever had. I’m slowly feeling more comfortable and at home. I spend all this time here but avoid contact but today I’ve talked to his mom (which was odd but she was nice-ish) and his oldest sissy is nice. c:


i stopped smoking cigarettes

or at least i stopped buying them

because they got too expensive

and every time i took a hit, 

this headache washed over me

and i would wait it out

take another hit

same wave.

then i would short it,

and even though i would feel bad about wasting one,

i’d throw it away.

there are a lot of ways to kill yourself

there are a lot of ways to feel

there are a lot of ways to make sure you’re alive.

I still can’t believe I survived myself.

Michelle K., What Keeps Me Up at Night #131. (via lonehands)

  · 4.13.14

sooo my boyfriend and i decided that after he graduates from college we’re moving to san jose, cali. :3 i’m so exciteddddddd. 




i go through periods of 

“i’m so fucking cool and awesome and hot. I would date me” 

followed by 

“i’m so fucking ugly why do people talk to me i’m such a loser” 

followed by 


followed by 

“oh my god everyone is so fucked up i hate people and want to die.”

All before 9am

Yeah basically

  · 4.6.14

so i’ve been debating with myself for like.. days now lol. the debate is dealing with money. 
i’ve made a decision to leave school after this school year is up (about 3 more weeks). i have been given a job offer for the summer to explore and travel and own my own business. 

my mother wants me to get a job right now. like right this second. basically, she tried to guilt me. i understand she has three hospital bills to pay along with other bills but there are plenty of things she can do to cut her costs that she just will not do. i’ve made my suggestions but she gets angry and yells at me so i gave up. anyway, she wants me to get a job before i go work this summer. which i don’t understand. she told me as long as i’m in school i don’t have to work. now she tells me i have to work for like a month to two months. 

i thought of putting a link to my paypal and letting whatever kind soul give me a dollar or so if they wished but my boyfriend said that would make me look like a bum. 

basically i’ve been made to feel like my life choices make me seem lazy or… i dunno. i just want to focus on my writing and work for myself and i dunno modelling or work for an up and coming company. things like that if it even makes sense. 
i’ve had one legit job ever (yeah i know you probably think i’m lazy too) but it’s not worth it. no benefits, no tax return, shitty hours, and shitty ass pay. part time isn’t shit and i don’t feel the need to work full time if i’ll be working for like a month or so. 

i dunno. fuck money. 

  · 4.2.14

i haven’t written anything person on tumblr in a while. i usually try to write a post every two weeks or so just so i can go back and see where i came from and see how far i’ve come.

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I forgot tumblr existed.. holy fuck.